phapulous

Living life being phapulously me!!

Thank you, I think?? January 12, 2013

Have you ever been on the receiving end of what is supposed to be a compliment, but was actually a dressed up insult? Well I think I was on the receiving end of something similar the other day. I received a compliement on a pair of shoes I was wearing. I graciously thanked the person and their reply left me scratching my head. Here is the play by play.

Coworker: Love those shoes! Very cute.
Me: Thanks, they were a gift from the honey.
Coworker: Oh girl I’m so glad he stepped up your style because I was tired of seeing you dress like an old lady
Me: Um, thanks?? I happen to think I have style.
Coworker: Oh I’m sure but it just seems your style has stepped up since you met your honey. You don’t dress so conservative
Me: (Blank stare) I happen to love my style and I think it’s classic with a mix of eclectic. I just keep it simple at work.
Coworker: You would think that, but he has totally stepped up your game
Me: Thanks (walks off scratching my head thinking what just happened)

As I walked away I was thinking how my opinion of style and her opinion of my style were vastly different. I began to think what other areas of my life did I have an opinion that was vastly different from others. Normally I would obsess about what or how I could change my coworker’s mind, but I stopped. In that brief moment I was about to let someone’s opinion question how I viewed myself. I took a minute and did a quick inventory of me, confirmed that I loved everything about me and decided her opinion is just that her opinion.

Lesson of the day: Do not base the type of person you are off the opinions of others. Be happy with who, what and where you are in life. Do things you love, dress how you feel, and act how you please. Life is too short to spend it accommodating people you will never be able to please.

 

New Years Resolution…oh never mind January 3, 2013

Every year since I can remember the new year would come with me setting high and lofty resolutions. This year I will lose 20 pounds, I will not eat out, I will work out 6 days a week, watch less tv, and I will blah, blah, blah. Don’t get me wrong resolutions like goals are great when you set them realistically. The challenge I faced was setting unrealistic goals. By setting those goals, I would then get discouraged when I could not meet them. Instead of re-evaluating I would get frustrated and just quit altogether. Well this year is different ūüôā I know you are thinking we have heard this before.

My personal goals are very simple and attainable.

1. Everyday chose to do something that increases my overall health and life.
2. Make a list of things I want to try and do one thing a month.
3. Be realistic with expectations
4. Take at least 1 hour a day to do something I like
5. Share and spread Love everywhere I go
6. Keep it simple

Very simple and things I am sure I can keep. If not, I will repeat number 3. ūüėČ

 

The Return October 17, 2012

Filed under: Self Centered — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 10:34 am
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It has been a LONG time since I last posted.  Such is life.  These past few months have been very busy so I took a little hiatus from my writing.  During my time away life happened fast and furiously.  They were the best and worst of times, a myriad of emotions and maturity.  I had the opportunity to welcome new members into the family, care for recovering loved ones, and the emotional pain of saying goodbye to dearly departed loved ones.  Through it all, I was able to process each and every moment and take a lesson from it to apply to my everyday living.  I took that time to reflect, inspect, and learn so much about me and the relationships I have cultivated.  I am refreshed, renewed, and exhilarated.

Here we go!

 

Friendship May 20, 2012

Filed under: Food For Thought — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 7:40 pm
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I came across this poem that perfectly sums up my friendships and thought I would share.¬† Hope you enjoy! ūüôā

 

A friend is like a flower, a rose to be exact, Or maybe like a brand new gate that never comes unlatched.

A friend is like an owl, both beautiful and wise.

Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost, whose spirit never dies.

 A friend is like a heart that goes strong until the end.

¬†Where would we be in this world if we didn’t have a friend. – By Adrianne S

 

Forgive and Forget?? May 16, 2012

We often hear the phrase “forgive and forget”.¬†¬† This got me wondering how many of us truly do this?¬† How many truly forget a painful and awful act caused by a loved one?¬† A lot of times we are able to forgive someone of their actions because after all we are only human right.¬† I just wonder how many of us truly forget the painful act.¬† Can we forgive someone without forgetting? Or is that not really forgiving if we keep the memory of the hurt etched in our minds?¬† This got me to thinking of myself.¬† For a long time I thought I had forgiven this one individual for hurting me emotionally and not acknowledging their actions.¬†¬†I confronted this person about how I was feeling, and they gave a haphazard apology.¬† I¬†let them know that I felt the apology was not sincere, but¬†I would accept it.¬† I thought that was it.¬† I should have been immediately cured of my emotional pain right?¬† Boy was I DEAD wrong!!¬† Even though I forgave the individual,¬†every time I heard their name¬†my skin would crawl.¬† My mind would immediately take me back to the pain this person caused me.

Then one day I had an epiphany and asked myself what good does it do me to hang on to a memory that causes me to become upset?¬† After all I am sure the person who offended me had moved on.¬† I claimed I had by forgiving, but why was I still kept in bondage by holding on to ¬†the memory?¬† This was tough for me to grasp.¬† I mean let’s face it, I allowed another individual¬† power over me.¬† It is funny now that I think about it because I was walking around holding on to memories and I was¬†far from a memory in their mind.¬† How did I let myself get so caught up in the offense that¬†it allowed me to remain stagnant?¬† After¬†all I HAD forgiven them right?¬† Wrong!!¬† To me a part of forgiving is also¬†allowing yourself to let the memory of the offense fade into the distance.¬† It is working for me so far, however notice I said fade.¬†¬†Which means the actions are still in the back of my mind reminding me of how far I can go with¬†and what to expect from that individual.¬† It is truly a process, but each day is better than the day before.

I am curious to know your thoughts on whether it is realistic to forgive and forget???

 

Finding You and Bringing Back The Happy May 14, 2012

Filed under: Self Centered — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 5:09 pm
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In life we are faced with many ideals and messages about the person we should be, how we should live, eat and dress.  We go through life abiding by a checklist just because someone said so.  We never question why we should not wear white after labor day, or why we should not eat our dessert first.  We simply mull about living and secretly becoming a robot.  All the while we are thinking we are living and being the best we can be.  Why is it that we settle and never think outside the box????

I was challenged by a dear friend to do just that.¬† We were having brunch and he jokingly asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.¬†I casually laughed off the question and continued to enjoy my omelette.¬† He followed up with “seriously, what do you want to be when you grow up?”¬† My response was I don’t know?¬† He said exactly, we don’t know, and often are not given a chance to figure it out.¬† I thought Uh Oh, he’s about to get deep on me and I would soon find out I was correct.¬† His narrative when a little something like this.

He:¬† “How did you know you wanted to be in the field you are in now?’

Me:¬† “I really didn’t I just kind of fell into it.¬† In college I wanted a job that made a lot of money.”

He:¬† ” So you were driven by money instead of choosing what makes you happy?”

Me: “Well I was looking for something I could do that would make me money, thinking that if I had money I could do the things that make me happy.”

He:¬† “How’s that working out for you?”

Me: (laughs nervously and thinking is he a mind reader) But I reply “It’s okay”

He:¬† “Has that money made you happy yet?”

Me: “Depends on the definition of happy”

He:¬† “What makes you happy?”

Me: ” I have absolutely no idea at this point and that is truly sad.”

He: “You know what makes me happy?¬† Doing what I truly love and that is helping people, being carefree, trying new things, and just being spontaneous.¬† I believe I can do anything so I am not afraid to try things.¬† I have¬†started businesses looking to make a quick buck and it did¬†not go as expected, but the current one is doing very well.¬† You know why, because it’s not work to me and it makes me happy,and I am not in it for the money.¬† I love the work I do. ¬†I am very happy and I get true fulfilment helping people.¬† My million dollars comes when someone tells me how something I said has changed their lives.”

Me: “That’s good for you.¬† I am glad you found your thing.¬† Not all of us are lucky enough to do something we love as a career.”

He: “Oh but you can.¬† There is nothing stopping you but you from doing whatever you want to do.¬† The key is figuring out what you like to do and turning that into a career if you choose.”

Me: “That’s easy to say, you have already figured it out.¬† How can I figure it out when I have all these bills and other responsibilities.¬† It’s not as EASY as you make it.”

He:¬† “Why not?¬† You are the only one stopping you.¬† You are using fear to make excuses for you to stay inside a box.¬† Why are you afraid to step out and do something that makes you happy? Isn’t you life supposed to be lived on your terms doing the things that you like and making a difference?¬† What is keeping you away from your destiny?¬† Why are you holding back on your dreams and life passions to¬†fill a dream that has been sold to keep you bound and brainwashed into thinking you have to¬†fit one certain mold?”

His statement left a lot on my mind and a lot of food on my plate as I suddenly lost my appetite.  I was thinking if someone asked me what I wanted to do if I could do anything, I honestly have no clue what I would say.  What does that say about me?  Am I lost? Wasting my life away?  Am I truly living?  All these questions ran through my mind.  How I am going to make a difference, what would I teach  my future children?  Am I truly happy and proud of the work I do?

I do agree with my friend I am the only one holding me back.  There are so many wonderful things I used to do that made me happy that I do not do anymore.  I asked my self why and I have absolutely no answer for.  The only thing I could think of is that somewhere in life I lost my happy.  I let life and career push the little moments of joy aside. I made a committment to myself to come up with a list of things I used to do that I would like to do again.  Once I have the list I will start doing them and let that provide me inspiration and get me back on my happy path. I do not have all the answers, but I certainly on a mission to figure it out.

 

Happiness May 7, 2012

Filed under: Food For Thought — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 9:58 pm
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Happiness

Like the birds sing a sweet song.

 Like the rivers strum a lovely tune.

 Like the stars serenade the moon.

Like flowers look so pretty in June.

Like water makes violets grow.

Like winter brings flaky snow.

 This true and no jest. Love is the blueprint for happiness.

by Lamar Cole