phapulous

Living life being phapulously me!!

feelings January 14, 2013

Filed under: Self Centered — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 1:18 pm
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I just had to release these feelings and emotions and the best way I can think of is to write them down. Life happens and if we are not careful we will find ourselves watching instead of living. We are faced with many challenges and victories as we march along in our life path. Friends come and go, familes grow and shrink, jobs come and go. Love and loss is inevitable.

My heart is very heavy as I grieve for a friend that suddenly lost her mother unexpectedly. Grief is one thing that we all will experience at some point in our life. We all process and handle it differently. What do you say? How can you console someone in tremedous pain? The natural thing is to try to relate to their pain by remembering a loss you experienced. This is human nature. We like to identify with the emotions of others in order to better relate. What I have learned that during times of sympathy of dear friends loved one, the best thing I can do is just be there. Be there to listen, hold a hand, wash a dish, cook a meal, say a prayer, or silently stand with that person so they know that they are not alone.

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Thank you, I think?? January 12, 2013

Have you ever been on the receiving end of what is supposed to be a compliment, but was actually a dressed up insult? Well I think I was on the receiving end of something similar the other day. I received a compliement on a pair of shoes I was wearing. I graciously thanked the person and their reply left me scratching my head. Here is the play by play.

Coworker: Love those shoes! Very cute.
Me: Thanks, they were a gift from the honey.
Coworker: Oh girl I’m so glad he stepped up your style because I was tired of seeing you dress like an old lady
Me: Um, thanks?? I happen to think I have style.
Coworker: Oh I’m sure but it just seems your style has stepped up since you met your honey. You don’t dress so conservative
Me: (Blank stare) I happen to love my style and I think it’s classic with a mix of eclectic. I just keep it simple at work.
Coworker: You would think that, but he has totally stepped up your game
Me: Thanks (walks off scratching my head thinking what just happened)

As I walked away I was thinking how my opinion of style and her opinion of my style were vastly different. I began to think what other areas of my life did I have an opinion that was vastly different from others. Normally I would obsess about what or how I could change my coworker’s mind, but I stopped. In that brief moment I was about to let someone’s opinion question how I viewed myself. I took a minute and did a quick inventory of me, confirmed that I loved everything about me and decided her opinion is just that her opinion.

Lesson of the day: Do not base the type of person you are off the opinions of others. Be happy with who, what and where you are in life. Do things you love, dress how you feel, and act how you please. Life is too short to spend it accommodating people you will never be able to please.

 

The Return October 17, 2012

Filed under: Self Centered — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 10:34 am
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It has been a LONG time since I last posted.  Such is life.  These past few months have been very busy so I took a little hiatus from my writing.  During my time away life happened fast and furiously.  They were the best and worst of times, a myriad of emotions and maturity.  I had the opportunity to welcome new members into the family, care for recovering loved ones, and the emotional pain of saying goodbye to dearly departed loved ones.  Through it all, I was able to process each and every moment and take a lesson from it to apply to my everyday living.  I took that time to reflect, inspect, and learn so much about me and the relationships I have cultivated.  I am refreshed, renewed, and exhilarated.

Here we go!

 

Finding You and Bringing Back The Happy May 14, 2012

Filed under: Self Centered — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 5:09 pm
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In life we are faced with many ideals and messages about the person we should be, how we should live, eat and dress.  We go through life abiding by a checklist just because someone said so.  We never question why we should not wear white after labor day, or why we should not eat our dessert first.  We simply mull about living and secretly becoming a robot.  All the while we are thinking we are living and being the best we can be.  Why is it that we settle and never think outside the box????

I was challenged by a dear friend to do just that.  We were having brunch and he jokingly asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I casually laughed off the question and continued to enjoy my omelette.  He followed up with “seriously, what do you want to be when you grow up?”  My response was I don’t know?  He said exactly, we don’t know, and often are not given a chance to figure it out.  I thought Uh Oh, he’s about to get deep on me and I would soon find out I was correct.  His narrative when a little something like this.

He:  “How did you know you wanted to be in the field you are in now?’

Me:  “I really didn’t I just kind of fell into it.  In college I wanted a job that made a lot of money.”

He:  ” So you were driven by money instead of choosing what makes you happy?”

Me: “Well I was looking for something I could do that would make me money, thinking that if I had money I could do the things that make me happy.”

He:  “How’s that working out for you?”

Me: (laughs nervously and thinking is he a mind reader) But I reply “It’s okay”

He:  “Has that money made you happy yet?”

Me: “Depends on the definition of happy”

He:  “What makes you happy?”

Me: ” I have absolutely no idea at this point and that is truly sad.”

He: “You know what makes me happy?  Doing what I truly love and that is helping people, being carefree, trying new things, and just being spontaneous.  I believe I can do anything so I am not afraid to try things.  I have started businesses looking to make a quick buck and it did not go as expected, but the current one is doing very well.  You know why, because it’s not work to me and it makes me happy,and I am not in it for the money.  I love the work I do.  I am very happy and I get true fulfilment helping people.  My million dollars comes when someone tells me how something I said has changed their lives.”

Me: “That’s good for you.  I am glad you found your thing.  Not all of us are lucky enough to do something we love as a career.”

He: “Oh but you can.  There is nothing stopping you but you from doing whatever you want to do.  The key is figuring out what you like to do and turning that into a career if you choose.”

Me: “That’s easy to say, you have already figured it out.  How can I figure it out when I have all these bills and other responsibilities.  It’s not as EASY as you make it.”

He:  “Why not?  You are the only one stopping you.  You are using fear to make excuses for you to stay inside a box.  Why are you afraid to step out and do something that makes you happy? Isn’t you life supposed to be lived on your terms doing the things that you like and making a difference?  What is keeping you away from your destiny?  Why are you holding back on your dreams and life passions to fill a dream that has been sold to keep you bound and brainwashed into thinking you have to fit one certain mold?”

His statement left a lot on my mind and a lot of food on my plate as I suddenly lost my appetite.  I was thinking if someone asked me what I wanted to do if I could do anything, I honestly have no clue what I would say.  What does that say about me?  Am I lost? Wasting my life away?  Am I truly living?  All these questions ran through my mind.  How I am going to make a difference, what would I teach  my future children?  Am I truly happy and proud of the work I do?

I do agree with my friend I am the only one holding me back.  There are so many wonderful things I used to do that made me happy that I do not do anymore.  I asked my self why and I have absolutely no answer for.  The only thing I could think of is that somewhere in life I lost my happy.  I let life and career push the little moments of joy aside. I made a committment to myself to come up with a list of things I used to do that I would like to do again.  Once I have the list I will start doing them and let that provide me inspiration and get me back on my happy path. I do not have all the answers, but I certainly on a mission to figure it out.

 

Mother’s Day May 11, 2012

Filed under: Self Centered — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 10:12 am
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“Happy Mother’s Day” means more Than have a happy day. Within those words lie lots of things We never get to say.

It means I love you first of all, Then thanks for all you do. It means you mean a lot to me, And that I honor you.

But most of all, I guess it means That I am thinking of Your happiness on this, your day, With pleasure and with love.

Wishing all the mothers and soon to be mother’s a very Happy Mother’s Day!

 

When Jealously Rears Its Ugly Head April 3, 2012

Filed under: Self Centered — p.h.a.p.ulous @ 6:16 pm
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“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown

A few of my friends (Cara, Jill, Lisa) and I went out to dinner.  Cara brought along her coworker Meg. We were out to celebrate Lisa’s big promotion!!  As we were catching up and sharing stories, Meg was very surprised and intrigued by the genuine excitement and happiness we shared with each personal success shared.  She could not believe that we were very vested and sincerely delighted in each others accomplishments.  She then asked how can we be so excited and not jealous of each other.

Jealously..the Green Eyed Monster.  We have all been victim to its cunning ways.  We want to be happy for our newly engaged friend but secretly we are wondering why her not me.  We pretend we are happy for the promotion our coworker received but really we are wishing they fail so we can step in line.   Why do we feel the need to compare ourselves to others?  Why can’t we be happy being our wonderful self?

We have all been affected by the jealously bug.  Jealously is an emotion that has been around for a very LONG time….. circa Cain and Abel.  It can sometimes be a reminder of all the experiences you have not had, relationships you want, or successes that seem out of reach.  It can cause you to feel “less than” and effect your self-esteem.

As we pondered Meg’s question,  Jill was the first one to admit that she had a flutter of jealously once or twice over the years of our friendship.  We all eventually admitted to having some jealous feelings a time or two.  This then energized us to explore this jealously thing.  We were determined to get to the bottom of why we (women) get jealous and how we can overcome those feelings.  Let’s face it, women can get pretty jealous.  After a lengthy and candid discussion over dinner we narrowed the causes of jealously into three categories:

1.  INSECURITY.  It is very easy to look at people and wish you had what they have even though we are only seeing an outward display or shell.  We have no idea what that person has done or has gone through to get what they have.  Yet we berate and think negatively of ourselves and form insecurities because of this.  This is then carried into the relationships we form.

2.  LOOMING EXPECTATIONS.  Let’s face it, we sometimes put unrealistic expectations on ourselves.  Naturally we feel that some things should come easily to us.  We then get disappointed when things do not happen for us as it does for the next person.  Enter the green headed monster.

3.  ENTITLED. We all for whatever reason have a sense of entitlement.  We have this idea that something is owed to us.  Things should just come natural to us.

Does any of this sound familiar?  I will be honest some of this resonated with me.  I have experienced one of those feelings during my life.  Ok so back to the story….

We all admitted that our jealous feelings in the past had absolutely nothing to do with each other, but really about something internal that needed to be resolved.  After we diagnosed the causes it was only fitting to discuss solutions we implemented separately to cope and tackle jealously and envy head on.  After all what good is stating an issue without providing a solution.  So as we ordered dessert, we began discussing our envy busters and here they are in no particular order:

1.  STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS.  There is no need.  You are uniquely created to be you, and no one is better at being you than you!  If you feel the need to compare yourself the best person to compare to is yourself.  Take an inventory of how you have grown as a person, your future goals, and what it takes to get there.

2.  TACKLE THE THREAT.  Find out why you feel threatened.  Are you afraid you will lose something?  What are you insecure about?  Once you identify that “thing”, make a plan to tackle it and overcome it.

3.  LOVE YOURSELF– Self love and appreciation can be a boost to your self-esteem.  It can also help you to focus on you and not the person or thing you are jealous of.  Remember “If you don’t fully accept and love yourself as you are, you could be more prone to comparing yourself to others as a way of artificially boosting your feeling of self-worth.” — Steve Pavlina

4. SHIFT FOCUS– Stop worrying about you all the time.  Spend sometime helping others.  You will get satisfaction out of helping another person and that will boost your esteem.   Focus on your gifts and qualities that make you special.

 How do you handle envy and jealously?  Share your thoughts and experiences.